Friday, August 28, 2009

And the winner is...

The people have spoken, and in a grand show of ostensible democracy, our winner has been selected!

And the champion, pulling ahead by several votes in the final days of polling, is... Brian!

Thank you to everyone who participated and voted. I hope to have another competition of some other challenge in the forseeable (but likely not too near) future.

Cheerio, ladies and gents. See you all on Monday, when we will resume our regularly-scheduled telegram transmission.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Name Our Champion!

Thank you to all who participated in TFLFN's first competition. The three entrants all put forth excellent effort. My sincerest thanks to all of you!

Please read the entries, collected below for your convenience, and comment with your selection for the winner! In case of a tie, I will cast the winning vote. (That's right. No random number generator, no tiebreaker round. It's a cut-throat game we play here in the wilds of whimsy.)

Voting will be open until Thursday evening. I will announce the winner on Friday, and notify them personally of their boon.

Entry 1:
Are you addressing me?

Are you addressing me?

...No others are present. Improbable as it may seem, you are, indeed, addressing me.

Oh, my goodness, what have we here? Why, it seems to be a can of high-test, grade-A Thrash-Arse. Shall I open it? Some may spill on you...

...oh, dear, it looks like I've shaken it, haven't I?

Entry 2:
You seem to find this fait accompli, But my lexicon, which you'll soon see
Far outstrips your pedigree, my mots are bon, you must agree.

Your cadence is lacking, And the pressure is stacking
I fear that you're slacking, your facade is cracking.

Now you should know, before you return, your maternal figure's a slattern
And also that she's got such girth, The sun mistook her for our Earth

Now run along, enjoy the burn, I slammed you like a particle at CERN
Keep cognizant, for what it's worth. I've been transcendent ever since birth.

Entry 3:
Your tardigrade ways shall not distract me from my chargeship, you Cyprian mopsy. Actum aiunt ne agas. That is to say, my berth in this venture is to make manifest your etourderie. It is reptatorial at best. You need but amend this voltaic quire hebdomadally and yet you cannot even manage that. Your "comic" need not even be limned. Not even so much as a calotype to be developed. Do you not realize that you are now but a donzel to the public? Et faute de mieux? Rein.

While I myself have the artistic adroitness of Olphert Stanfield, I at least have the perspicacity to engage a draughtswoman to render my concordance. Mayhap in futurity, you might pullulate the sagacity to do the same.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Final Day For Entries!

Today is the final day for entries into TFLFN's Verbal Fisticuffs Competition. See this entry for all the details about the competition itself.

I wanted to announce that the prize has been selected:

The cunning linguist (yes, that's right) who bests me in libelous litheness will win...

a $30 gift certificate to any of my online stores (,, or to be used either for an existing item, or for a commissioned piece for us to design together.

So go pen your vicious vituperations, scathing scurrilities, and ignominious impertinences! You shall be rewarded well!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My goodness, a Competition!

Yes, TFLFN is holding its first official competition! I present to you:

A Whimsycore Call To Conversational Fisticuffs!

So you wish to join in conversational fisticuffs, with these challenges you exhort?

Well, I advise you to revise this disposition you comport!

My good sir or madam, I propose this discussion be removed to an alternate location, allow me to expound upon my prognostication: The result of such a
tête-à-tête would leave you stricken with regret at having been so initially brazen, when my lexicographic acrobatics leave you static, fleeing for your maison.

This is my salon, where I am sine qua non.

I'll leave you pale and wan, and at the denouement, I'll be sitting quietly on my chaise lounge, sipping my Ceylon.

Your challenge:

Pen a response to my whimsycore throwdown, in a similarly-inspired style, and the winner will receive Accolades of Highest Prestige and Esteem, as well as an Item of Unique and Exquisite Value, to be designed and created by me, and delivered by post to your place of residence.

So, if you would like the opportunity to earn the envy of your peers and the begrudging respect of your antipathizers, then take up your quill and see if you can put me in my place in as genteel and eloquent a manner as possible.

Entries will be accepted until midnight this Sunday. Then I shall collect all the entries into a single post, upon which all may comment and vote.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Triumphant Return

Thank you for your patience while I finished moving all my worldly belongings from one location to another.

And welcome back to Telegrams From Last Fortnight, celebrating our return with an all-new Telegram, on an all-new day! From now on, updates will be weekly on Mondays.

Keep calm, and carry on.